And yet I am always looking for my tribe. Which one, though? I have tried, first, at the tribe of family. It seems like my tribe, since our similar blood runs through us, and the whole shared history thing. But I don't see a whole lot of who I am in their faces.
Then there is the friends tribe. I have spent many a day and night running about, looking for those that seem like me. I first searched the fields of sport but came up empty-handed. Then I searched the fields of play and noticed that no one looked at me with that knowing look. Then I looked into the theater and, for a moment, thought I saw my brothers and sisters. At long last, my search was over. But, as time went on, I realized that many of us are soloists. Sure, there is the similar stripe but it is oh so temporary.
I have stuck myself firmly to the cities for a decade, hoping that I would, one day, move on to find my people only to find that maybe it isn't so bad being a soloist. And, if I ever feel so alone, I can always wander about and meet people, even if for only a brief moment.
Our ancestors seemed destined to remain amongst each other until they weren't. That sounds simplistic but they could walk parallel for as long as they saw fit, or, as their rare few numbers did, venture beyond the safety of the knowing.
So, maybe someday, I shall pack what is important and head off into the world, riding it solo, keep searching for my tribe. But if I never find them, it is okay. I had fun while I was on the journey.
Nicholas,
ReplyDeleteThis was written the day after my birthday, which was spent alone this year. I've thought about this in relation to America many times. My thinking is that we are a people who are mostly alone by design: We are separated by space and highways. We are moved by independent, not shared, engines. We each own technology so we do not have to share. We fear our neighbors as 'others' because we do not feel we as a people share a destiny: There are too many different types of people in a single country to feel like our neighbor IS a part of us, the way a Frenchman feels about his neighbor: Shared assumptions. Shared culture.
Our shared assumptions. Our shared culture is fracture. It is commercial. It is a the maintaining of separateness to maximize how much we all need to buy to build our own lives ourselves...and listen to the silence when the media shuts off.
We are a lonely people, Americans. It's sad, and I am hoping part of the Post 9-11 growing up process is that we become more European - begin to understand we have a shared destiny no matter what. A tremendous amount of my energy in creating Creditland Radio (creditland.org) is fueled by the idea that while we are a nation of individuals, we are also a nation full of people struggling WITH THE EXACT SAME ECONOMIC ISSUES. It is my greatest hope that once middle class starts catching up to how the economic game is played on them, that we begin to see we are all part of it - and together in it.
So, thanks for being honest about this. Thanks for writing about it. It's a really important thing to remember to feel what we feel, and being alone is one of the hardest to confront. Kudos to you.
Tobin the Terrible
Host, Creditland Radio
Creditland.org
PS. I hope it's OK. I'll be reading this on CL this week with my reply. Also here's a link that I hope makes you feel less alone: I like to imagine the pulse of an entire people coming through it - no apologies for everyone in agreement. It is their pulse. Pahoda.
ReplyDeletehttp://hybridized.org/sets/912
Third time's a charm: Pahoda is a Czech word approximately meaning everyone in the same space having the same good vibes. Among the people present in a room, there is no dissonance. Harmony. (Makes me think of Creditland's DJ Harmony.)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was traveling in the Czech Republic in 2003, alone, I would run into the people of the country. They could not conceive of ANYONE traveling alone, ever. I am a bit of a loner myself, but that wasn't the whole story. It was that I am American and have the DIY, go it alone attitude. I didn't stop to think if it would be better to travel with another - or even consider it as an option.
We are conditioned to be alone. To be isolated. It is no coincidence. It is the source of a slew of mental health problems for the people of America: self-isolation, depression and many more are all outcomes that fuel more sales.
To think that if you and myself, people our age, only had 3 people we could sit down with and eat a civilized meal cooked in a home once a week, I believe that would do tremendous amounts to help minimize feelings of alone-ness. But such a notion, obvious to most people in most nations of the world who share ethnicity, is considered an inconveinence to us.
One more comment than I am done...You mention attempting to get in with different tribes. I believe you are over thinking it. Screw tribes: Assemble the three people you feel most close to and invite them to eat in your home. If you have to order food together, fine, just make it a priority. Their 'tribe' is that they are all connected to you, and therefore connected to each other. That's your people.